Slowing Down with God

I had a flashback from a year ago at this time. It all became clear and somewhat relevant to this time now. It's another Lent and this Lenten season has its own feel and memories to it. I can say it wont be the same with not being able to have Palm Sunday with palms and prepare for Holy Week, attend a Good Friday service or celebrate the feast of Easter. It's our own type of cross and sacrifice that we haven't seen or experienced before. This time of year with the upcoming feast of Easter is the most important events in our faith. God has different plans for us this year than we could have anticipated and just like there were twists and turns throughout Jesus' ministry and leading up to his sacrifice on the Cross, so too we find it ourselves in our own lives, and I find it mine as well.

Last March, I wrote about boredom and relating it with keeping up with the demands and daily grind of my new job. It wasn't what I hoped or anticipated for, as last Lent was crushing for me in the sense of daily sacrifices, misunderstandings and humiliations that were small or large.

When I look back, I can see all the good that came out of it and all the growth. My spiritual life was forging new waters and perspective but it wasn't a walk in the park any day of the week. With this 'boredom' that I wrote about and trying to get through the days by striving to learn whilst still staying engaged and inspired, I find it almost amusing that these days there are many people who are bored due to our current situation. They are bored with how our lives have shifted so much where we can't really be with people the same, let alone go places where we want to go due to this virus.

The strong and vivid memories that I have from a year ago come from the church I would go to for daily Mass each morning before work. There were the daily mass goers in their exact pews they would prefer to sit in. I would be aiming to get there on time although it wasn't always an easy endeavor with getting up earlier and preparing for the long day ahead.

With this pandemic that we are going through, this same church that I make a visit in is quite a contrast from last year. It is dark, and empty,with no candles lit or lights on but over the tabernacle. It is silent and calm with the Lenten tableau on the altar which symbolizes the emptying of ourselves. The contrast of last years Lent and this years is interesting to reflect upon. The church is the same place but I feel different. The memories of Masses being held and all the prayers said are held in my thoughts as I encounter this new situation in all of our lives.

I feel grateful to be able to spend more time in silent prayer this Lent, and it's what I truly desired last year but was always rushing off to a work place that was debilitating me emotionally and psychologically. It was so hard to leave after Mass and after a few prayers, now there's no rushing to do or places to go or even a work place to attend to. I feel God wants us all to slow down, reflect and draw closer to Him and His sufferings during this time. And it has been really nice to do so and use this opportunity in a positive and a spiritually enhancing way.

God wants us to trust in the journey amidst the trials, and to rely more on Him and His strength. Last year during this time, I felt so alone in my thoughts and in my experience; It was difficult to always express them in words. From Ash Wednesday last year I wrote down a reflection in regards to the start of Lent.

"Let all that you do be solely for the pure glory of God. If you were alone you might be afraid, but God's grace is in you, and with you and words in you...Don't be afraid of trials. Throw yourself full force into the loving arms of Jesus and with him you'll be able to take giant steps along the way of perfection."