Everything Comes From the Cross

 Today marks the feast of the Exultation of the Holy Cross. I was reflecting upon it this morning, soon after waking up. About Jesus' own cross, Mary's deep sufferings- hence tomorrow is the feast of Our Lady of Sorrows, and the real, personal crosses in our own lives. 

From a church my sister visited

I looked up the message or meaning behind this feast, and it said , "To celebrate the cross itself, the instrument of salvation." There are different events in our lives and in my own where it showcases this suffering, this deep cross  whether interiorly, exteriorly and things of the sort. I was also thinking of some saints who happen to strike me in certain ways as upholding this cross in their unique pains and saying yes to what God had in store for them. A few of these saints that come to mind are Our Lady, St. Joseph, St. Padre Pio, St Gemma Galgani, St. Maria Faustina, St. Therese of Lisieux, St. Oscar Romero, and Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati. 

Drawing closer to Our Lady in trust, in prayer, and through the rosary and the 7 Sorrows Chaplet Rosary, it's evident there were many sufferings and painful experiences she went through in her life. Growing more in my faith through these prayers has been helpful in my own life. Reading St. Maria Faustina's diary has allowed me to understand St. Faustina's mission and what Jesus has bestowed upon her as well as the many graces. Feeling more connected with her and learning about her various trials amidst the convent life shows her faith as a beautiful testimony. 

After reading Story of a Soul by Saint Therese of Lisieux, it has drawn other inspirations. Learning more about her saintly parents, and her family from my dear sister reading books about St. Zelie and Louis Martin has made me more intrigued to understand this beautiful soul through her parents, and family life. 

And St. Oscar Romero, I feel has followed me around. I have an image of him on my window, a key chain of him on my car keys, I have seen his tomb in El Salvador while visiting for my dear sister and brother-in-law's wedding, a t-shirt from the same sister, and now a bracelet from my other sister that I have been wearing lately. I only know a little bit about his story. He was a Catholic priest during the time of severe persecution and violence against priests in El Salvador. I believe he was shot while saying  Mass, most specifically while raising the host during the consecration. His true courage, and witness of faith is inspiring, powerful and transformative. 

Wearing the St. Oscar Romero bracelet

And there are many crosses that I can relate with on a personal level. I think one of the biggest ones for me in the past years has been loneliness. I experienced deep and heavy loneliness during my time in college specifically after transferring to a University. This experience and feeling has its waves and comes and goes at different times. 

Looking back, I can see a lot of growth, a lot of beauty in the process even though in the moment it didn't feel like much growth, goodness or beauty was happening. I remember describing to a former contact about some of that lonely experience while in school. This person was also going through a challenging time and was seeking some sort of consolation, or advice when we met up. I described to them a little of what I was going through then, and how looking back I could see it was in hindsight actually a beautiful and transformative time. Looking back for myself, it was a time to grow closer to myself and God, that He willed. 

And recalling those hard days, weeks and months a few years back reminds me of this year and how interesting and difficult it has been in its own way. Not too long ago, I felt that the only thing that I really did outside the house was go to church and pray. And some grocery shopping and exercise, but driving to the church felt most transformative, healing, necessary and essential throughout the months of ongoing waiting, wondering and hoping. It felt like it would never end and that was a very heavy cross to bear. I see it now as a growing in patience, fortitude and trust that things will fall into place when they are supposed to. 

Things on this side of the year aren't to say its easier or better. It's a lot different with a close sister out of the house, having a job again, some smoky air, and figuring things out again on this journey of faith and life, but I feel that I have grown and learned a lot along the way. God will continue to help me carrying my cross.