Sometimes our spiritual life can be thwarted by comparison. We compare ourselves to other people, particularly other women. We see ourselves as worse, less than, less experienced, and them more eloquent, bold, confident and faith filled. It's too easy to come by as women, our downfall to feed into this negative spiral.
This came to mind while watching The Chosen, season 3 episode 6. Mary Magdalen and Tamar are the two women currently with Jesus' ministry and his disciples. But their personalities clash, and there appears to be animosity and annoyance in the air between them. Mary clearly gets annoyed with Tamar who can be outspoken and have her own opinions or ways of doing things. Mary on the other hand misunderstands Tamar and her intentions, and she isn't so welcoming to her. Her demeanor and facial expressions give this away.
It's in this episode, where Tamar and Mary Magdalene have a heart to heart. The secrets are spilled out if you will, and Tamar asks Mary what's wrong, what's between them. Mary slowly gives her honest feelings, and the truth is revealed.
Mary openly shares her frustration to Tamar, as she explains that Tamar went through the crowd, opened the roof of the house to let her friend in and be healed by Jesus. Jesus said to her, your faith is beautiful. While on the other hand, Jesus found her (Mary M) in a bar, drunk and possessed.
I immediately thought of how we so easily compare our weakness, strengths to others, and where Jesus found us in our brokenness, our sin. But each story and journey are unique, there is really no room for comparison or envy.
Tamar is listening intently while Mary Magdelene speaks and shares her frustration. She goes further to explain how Tamar is new, yet comes in with brashness, boldness and confidence, and Mary seems herself to still be figuring things out. The glass is broken, if you will, of her pride and they have tears streaming down and emotion and vulnerability.
Tamar then explains to her about her necklace (she wears lots of jewelry depicting her lineage and tribe from Ethiopia). Mary didn't understand before why she wore so much and presumed her vanity and attachment to material items, but Tamar explains the history of her necklace. It depicts her family who were all killed in her hometown before she fled. Mary didn't realize and was crying, and connected with her since she too lost her Dad at a young age. Just because Tamar isn't Jewish herself, doesn't mean she doesn't know what it means to suffer. Mary helped Tamar put back on her necklace and she asked for Tamar to forgive her. They both looked at each other with loving, tearful eyes.
Tamar says besides Mary's shame, she wishes she had her gratitude. They are connected and united like never before, with deeper respect, understanding and appreciation for one another and the mission they are on as Jesus' disciples.
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